Validation: Thoughts about the Porkbelly Prophet
Pigcasso, Hog Hero creates freely without validation.
Pigcasso, Hog Hero creates freely without validation. I saw him on Instagram and the way he moves his snout, painting with wild abandon—-I was envious. When was the last time I had let myself paint with such freedom? It made me start to think.
First things first, I haven’t written anything in so long.
Not necessarily true, I have submitted a lot of proposals, and things for open calls, but nothing for me and you. 2022 came in hot, and I ended the previous year on the edge of many things, uncertain as to where I would land. 2022 has begun as a year dedicated to professional development. 2022 has meant applying to many open calls I know I’ll be denied to, but testing the waters. 2022 also means I’m re-evaluating my practice and my artwork from a more removed and professional lens- and it’s been eye-opening, to say the least.
One word that reverberates in my mind right now is transition. I’m in a state of my art career where I feel a stronger shift into who I want to be as a professional. I can feel my practice evolving into something I can maintain and stick with for many years, and I can feel an avenue opening up conceptually that keeps me sane and productive.
When it comes to a transition, it's a terrifying place to be because you are in this middle arena looking on to who you once were, and what you could become.
I'm transitioning, to the broader scope of the world, and its many decisions and dangers. I think there is some innate desire to maintain some goal or a deadline for myself, to keep striving for something past graduation.
I called up a friend a couple of days ago, and it went along the usual path of me ranting about something as usual. As I got into my car, I told them, “ I wanna run a marathon”, and they said, “Me too!”
I asked them and myself, “Are you sure?” I gave them the quick historical rundown on marathons, and I told them it's approximately 26 miles. The doubt quickly set in, and I said we need to try something smaller. I sat in the car, and I asked myself quietly then, why did I want to run a marathon.
So I can say I ran a marathon.
I’ve never really acknowledged how much validation has infiltrated my work, and my thought processes.
I’m in a transition to let go of that need for validation and push myself to work from a place that’s completely for me. That means working from a place that I’ve never really trusted.
So many have arrived at this answer so much sooner than I. I refuse to be ashamed of arriving at this later.
The audience is a powerful, and necessary force that provides much-needed community and dialogue. It feels nice, like in any social grouping, to be supported by the pack. I’ve begun to really explore what I want to in my work. I feel the distance lengthening, and that frightens me. It frightens me because when those voices leave singing praises, I have to turn around and convince myself that what I’m doing is enough.
I told my friend I wanted to run a marathon, so I could also tell myself that I ran a marathon.
Sometimes I turn around in that quiet place in my mind- before I put the work out there before I shoot it over in a text, post it on a story. I turn around and I feel this burning sense of inadequacy, and if there is pride, it’s very shakeable.
I’m so thankful for this time. Within my body, I feel a burning and a fire to protect something I truly believe in. I have to stand, and face opposition with my work, and that only becomes more exacerbated over time.
I’m in a transition where I need to stand by myself, and my work. The process begins.
Pigcasso, Hog Hero creates freely without validation.
